Knowing when to get a divorce can be a tough situation. Just thinking that you might want one can bring on a myriad of emotions, especially guilt. 

Our First Piece of Advice

Realize your feelings are valid. 

People think about getting a divorce for many reasons, such as a loveless marriage, a lack of sex, cheating and abuse. Whatever reason you’re feeling this way, your feelings are valid. And it’s important to try to be comfortable in the fact that you’re having these thoughts and feelings. 

Another important note: If you still love your partner, then it’s not time to get a divorce. If there’s still some part of you that wants to make it work, then you should sit down with your partner and tell them you’re feeling unhappy. 

It’s normal for relationships to go through slumps, but it’s lasting through those slumps that define a relationship. 

Our Second Piece of Advice 

Be honest about what’s going on. 

Don’t talk about problems that are happening and then make excuses for them to yourself to try and negate your conclusions. Gut feelings are usually right. 

There are certain situations that will show you when it’s time to get a divorce. Here are some of those situations:

You Think You’d Be Better Off Alone

If you’re regularly thinking you would be better off without your spouse, chances are that you would be. 

It’s never a good sign when you think about certain tasks and they aren’t involved or worse yet, you think about the future and they aren’t there. 

A situation where you might tell if you’re already in the single mindset is imagining that you just got big, important news—a raise, a promotion, whatever that may be. Would they be your first call? Or would someone else be? 

Your Needs Aren’t Being Met

These needs can vary: They’re not being romantic anymore, not communicating or not helping with the kids. 

Your needs, just like your feelings, are valid. If you’ve told them your needs aren’t being met and instead of working on it they just got defensive and treated the conversation like nothing happened, it might be time to call it quits. 

You’re Staying Together for the Kids

Speaking of kids, if you’re staying with them solely because of your children, it might be time to move on. 

You should be with your spouse because you love them and enjoy being with them every day. It shouldn’t be a drag all day and night long, and you shouldn’t be at your happiest only when you’re both doing something with the kids.

You Don’t Trust Them Anymore 

Trust is a pillar of healthy relationships, so if it’s lacking, you have a serious core problem. 

Trust can be basic, such as trusting them to listen to your day or tell you how they really feel. Trust also can be serious, and if they break that trust through cheating or abuse, then it’s time to move on. 

You’ve Tried to Fix It — And It Didn’t Work

All else has failed. You’ve tried to have deep conversations as to what’s lacking in your relationship. You’ve tried to get advice and have done things to try to spice things up or renew the flame. You’ve even taken it as far as therapy and you’re still unhappy. 

You deserve happiness, so if you’ve tried your best to fix things and it just isn’t working, it’s OK to decide it’s better if you and your spouse part ways. 

We’re Here to Help

Our blog is not one size fits all. It won’t necessarily bring you all the answers you need, but we hope it brings you closer to knowing when to get a divorce. If you need any help moving forward through the divorce process or simply need an Orange County divorce lawyer’s voice, don’t forget to reach out on our contact page. We’re here to help.